The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.

I have this horrible habit of starting to blog at the beginning of the year... only to fall off somewhere along the road that they call life. I am sure that many blogs are starting out this way, being it the new year. Go ahead and add me to the list of cliches... to the groups of people who make promises to themselves, hoping they can find the strength throughout the year to keep them. Like many, I would just like to forget that this past year happened. Too many unsatisfying things happened to me personally, in which I would like to forget. However, life isn't that forgiving. We can't erase our memories containing detrimental events, we have to live with them, but what we don't have to do, is dwell on them. I like to keep mine tucked away behind favorable memories that cast a shadow on the others. No matter how far away they are hidden, a light is always destined to fall upon them, reminding us of an important lesson they served. Some days though, I wish I could just escape that light and leave for Montauk.

I moved to Seattle by the way... it's amazing here. The weather fits my personality more than any other place I have lived. Blaine is working for Nintendo and I will be freelancing with MAC still. I am looking into getting another job on top of free lancing, so that I can start school in the Fall. I want to go to school to become a clinical psychologist... at least that's the present goal. To be honest, I am not really sure where my life is going to take me, but I suppose no one really knows that. What I do know, is that I want to stay hungry for life and not lose my appetite as so many of us in life do. I don't want to be the one smiling for family photos, while hiding a dark secret... that secret being a feeling of personal failure. I want to be successful in my life and I don't necessarily mean financially. I guess to make it simple, is that I don't want my fire to ever burn out. This past year, it's been flickering so expeditiously that I was convinced it would eventually go out, but it didn't. There was still that, light at the end of the tunnel if you will and that tunnel was Seattle. My light isn't back to where I would like it to be at the moment, but I am going to work on getting it there. I need to remember what I was doing at the time is shone the brightest. That's what brings me to my aspirations for the year.

Living in stress is the first thing that needs to go. I was constantly surrounded by it last year and this year, I refuse. I refuse to submerge myself in that pain again. The move to Seattle will change a lot of things, that will help myself come up for air, out of this sea of stress. The first thing being financially. Some unfortunate events unfolded last year that put me in a bind. I got in over my head and had no way out. I can't let that happen again. The next thing is getting healthy again, which I couldn't afford much last year. Even working out while eating unhealthy, just makes my body feel horrible. However, when all you can afford is the cheapest of the cheap at Wal-Mart, you can't be too picky. Luckily, this year, that should change. I am going to start working out again. When I worked out on a daily basis a few years ago, I never felt/looked better. I want that energy back, that drive! I've got a few friends in the same boat as me... one of my friends recently turned to vegetarianism, which I fully support and think is wonderful. Another one of my friends, started a health blog that will follow her workout routines, a long with meals for the day. It's much easier knowing you have support from others... and knowing you're not alone.

Getting into school will be the next thing, but for right now I need to start small and work out a few other things first. I have to start looking for us a place to live. Well, let me clarify... I've looked, we just need to decide and figure out financially when and where will work best. We're currently staying with family and as much as I appreciate them for welcoming us into their home, it will be nice to have a place to call home. I feel like we've been so on the go, bouncing from place to place, that we haven't had the chance to just sit down and take a breather. All day, I'm looking for places to live, figuring out finances, figuring out school, etc. Although, Blaine and I have definitely been getting into Battfield Company 2 a lot lately. =)

And then there's Blaine. What would I do without him? He's my "rock". I wouldn't have been able to survive a lot of things without the warmth of his heart reassuring me everything would be ok. Our 4 year anniversary is in a month... I can't get over how time flies.

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.”

Vegas

It took me awhile to post anything about Vegas... I'm just really quite lazy when it comes to uploading photos and resizing them. We took a lot of pictures while we were in there, however a bunch of them turned out blurry because it was so bright and windy! I'll just upload a few here that turned out ok. We had such a blast though! He took me for my 21st birthday... we went September 3rd 2009. We stayed at the Luxor which was a nice hotel, but we got pretty unlucky because they booked us into one of those rooms that has a door in the middle that goes to the next room... Of course the people in the next room were a bunch of drunks who partied until 7am and were screwing women left and right. The walls were thin and we heard it all... it was awful. Other than that, Blaine and I had a good time. We mostly walked the strip and went into all the different hotels to see what they were like. We also watched the Bellagio Fountains show, it truly is beautiful and a sight to see in person. We also did some gambling and drinking in our hotel's casino. We were really good about it though, we each had $40 bucks and that was our limit. We played the penny slots and so the $40 lasted quite a long time. I had the most luck on the Happy Days and Jaws slots! We didn't play cards or anything like that... not cool enough I guess.

All in all, it was a wonderful trip and nothing got too crazy =) I'm not sure I like Vegas too much though, it's just not really my scene. I've never been a heavy party person... nor have I ever really been into strippers so.... hahaha

Anyways, here are some pictures!

New Job... New Beginnings... New Outlook

I wish I was one of those people who wrote in their blogs every day... I also wish I was one of those people who actually others READ her blog, giving myself a reason to write...

Anyway, on October 30th, 2009 I started my new job with M.A.C. cosmetics. It's a place that I have wanted to work since I first walked into the store at age 15. I will never forget the first thing I bought there... it was a Smolder Eyeliner pencil... and that started it all. I've always loved makeup, but not really in the way most girls do. I was about creating art on my face and experimenting with colors. I love that I get to do this every day, I am so happy that my job involves art. There is also a retail side of it, but that's only temporary. I am going to work my way up and become a senior artist. I feel so lucky to have a job so young, that I actually love. The only thing I hate about it, are the politics that come with it. It's better than working somewhere like a call center, where I am just wasting my life and time. There are a lot of perks that come with job... the biggest one being the free makeup of course. Every so often, we launch new collections and we get 3 or 4 free pieces (eyeshadow, lip pencil, lipstick, gloss, etc.) from the collection. We each have our little box in the box and there's nothing like walking in and your box is full of free makeup! =) I also got my staff card today! That means I get 60% off now. It's a very generous discount, but we're required to wear so much of their stuff, that it can really add up. I love my job and am excited about where my life may be going. =)

Other than that, things have been going about the same. Blaine and I are just gearing up for Thanksgiving which is this Thursday. My family is coming over to our apartment and I'm so excited to cook! Cooking is one of my favorite things to do, so of course, Thanksgiving is right up my alley. We also just bought Left 4 Dead 2 and the New Super Mario Bros. for the wii, so I'm pretty sure I know what we'll all be doing that day =)

I recently got into a new show called Glee... it's about kids in High School who are in Glee club. I love the music the most on the show. I'm actually listening to the CD right now that Blaine bought me. He's such a sweetheart, listening to it, even though it's not quite his cup of tea. He's definitely a keeper and I'm so lucky to have him. We're on our third Thanksgiving together this year! It's so crazy! Time certainly flies when you're having fun. =)

EXCITED

This is going to be a very short post, but I just wanted to say that I am very excited for things coming up.

Blaine is taking me to two shows coming up in the next two weeks... the first one is Vedera, which is actually a free show that they're taping down at Smashbox Studios for MTV.

Then, on the 29th Blaine is taking me to see Katy Perry in Hollywood, as an early birthday gift. I wanted to see her the last time she came to Hollywood, but she sold out.

Then, it's my 21st birthday on the 3rd of September and Blaine is taking me to Vegas! We're staying at Luxor and really have no plan of what we're going to do. I just know that there will be a lot of food, fun and drinks ;)


These next few weeks are going to be absolutely amazing! With a very amazing man by my side. =)

Sometimes I am not sure where my life is going.

Sometimes I feel as though I am trapped with no way out.

Other days, I feel like the world is my playground, without any limits.

I am young and still finding myself.

I just hope that there is a day I can wake up and say, "I did it" and be proud of myself for my accomplishments.

I am destined for great things and will settle for nothing less.

"Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good."- Emerson

I have been slacking... big time

I haven't really been 'blogging' lately, due to being so busy! I started Special FX last week and it has been non stop work. I'm sculpting out a Locust Drone from the game, Gears of War. I am really looking forward to this, because it's going to be the icing on the cake. Special FX will be last class before I go into beauty, so I want to make it count!

To catch up, I did a zombie for my prosthetics piece. The process of this piece was as follows:

-I created a life cast of the person I am going to be applying my prosthetic piece onto.

- I then start to sculpt out my piece using clay, onto the life cast of that person. That way, once I sculpt it, it will fit them perfectly.

- Once I have completed my sculpture, I make a foam latex piece out of it, using... foam latex.

- Once you make the foam latex piece, it is time to apply it onto your model/actor.

- You now bring that piece to life, by painting it, adding blood, etc.

It sounds easy, but it takes a few weeks to complete. Below are some pictures of the process, beginning with the sculpture on the life cast...

The pictures aren't the best quality, because a few were taken with my phone. However, you get the idea =) I also have some pictures of 'old age' makeup I did during my character class:

The right side of her face is not done up, so you can compare the old with the young =)

I have been having such a blast doing this work. I love going to school every day, being able to create different characters that come from the back of my mind. It's so humbling to be learning from these fantastic people. I will be going onto beauty next, so it will be a whole different ballpark. I'm really excited for that, because I'll be able to start my jobs at the different photo shoots and sets that I will have lined up. 

Aside from school, my dad came out for the week of Easter. We had coffee almost every night and it was awesome. I love sitting on the streets of LA, people watching. I want to know everyone story, I want to know where everyone is going. Everyone is always going somewhere. We also got my very belated (2 years) senior pictures taken. I definitely enjoyed the day of pampering! I got my hair done, very Dita/40's style at Haiiroin salon. Simon is amazing! He's into video games and horror flicks, so that's all we talked about while I was getting my hair done. He did such an awesome job and their salon is adorable. It's very vintage with Victorian couches and huge mirrors. They also have champagne Fridays where they give you free champagne and style your hair for 20 bucks! I'm definitely down for that once I get some free time. For Easter, we went and ate at The Cheesecake Factory. It was delicious! I also got a crock pot, which means I am finally able to make Jamee's chicken recipe for burritos! Actually, I made them tonight... and they're soooo good! Thanks Jamee! Here are some pictures from Easter:

This is the Easter basket Blaine got for me... it's adorable!

Blaine's Easter basket, my Easter stuff from Dad, and then Dad's basket

Blaine with the basket that I made him

Dad with the Easter basket I made him

Blaine and I before going out for dinner

Bella trying to get water out of the water cooler

Still trying to get the water....

Harvey!

Harvey eating!

My Easter Dress =)

I went out with the girls from school on Friday night. It was so nice! Since I've moved here, I haven't met a whole lot of people my age. Once I got started at school, they were all pretty close to it. We went to Chili's in West Hollywood. We had to drive through Beverly Hills and the paparazzi were stopping traffic! They're such douchebags. Honestly, with the stuff they pull, it's extremely illegal. They block traffic, double park, stalk, etc. It's annoying as hell, I can't imagine how that celebrity feels. 

Blaine and I are going to be planning a beach day soon. The weather was extremely nice for 3 days, and then BOOM! It's back to 60 degree mornings/nights. We want to go back to the Santa Monica Pier at night. It's absolutely gorgeous at night! The amusement park is lit up and... oh my goodness, you just have to see for yourself!

We've been playing Doom a lot lately as well, it's been so much fun. We went to GameStop today and bought 3 new games. They were having a sale on buy 2, get 1 free... how can you pass that up?

I can't really think of much else to write at this time, so I think I will end it on that. 

"But a man who doesn't dream is like a man who doesn't sweat. He stores up a lot of poison. - Truman Capote"

Vacation.

Blaine and I have decided that we need a vacation. It's so ironic, because every time we wanted a vacation in Arizona, we thought of California. Who doesn't? California is definitely good for short, mood-altering vacations, but we want a big vacation. We have talked about traveling and have decided that we want to do as much as we can before we settle down... if we ever do! We're so rambunctious and want to see so many things! We want to go to Japan, London and Canada. Getting into Canada will be a breeze, seeing as I am from there. We actually plan on moving there one day. Blaine has never been to Canada, but wants to go. It's so different there, yet so much the same. If you go to a place like Nova Scotia, you just never want to leave. It's so gorgeous there... Oh how I wish I were there right now. We haven't really decided where we are going to go first, but we're working on it. In the meantime, we're just going to stick to little weekend getaways to the beach and Universal Studios (season passes!) 

Blaine also started his new job today with Activision. I miss him so much. His schedule is pretty much split between Avanquest and Activision. In total, he works from 7am to 2 am.... crazy! It was his decision to work both jobs. We've been comfortable with money, even while I'm in school. I can do jobs on the side and I also had money saved before quitting my job. Some days I just feel like such an adult, but then others... I sit at my counter at school, stare at the Hollywood sign and look at my zombie creation and feel so fulfilled. I'm loving this choice of "career". I get to be so creative and judged only by technicalities that will only strengthen me as a makeup artist. Blaine also feels a sense of more comfort starting with Activision. It's going to be tough for awhile, but we've been to hell and back in our two years... knock on wood... we have overcame it all gracefully. For awhile it felt like we weren't going anywhere in our lives... I mean, what kid doesn't feel that way at one point? It's like, I'm 20, still doing tech support, working a 9-5 job (technical term because I actually worked 4pm-1am) and doing nothing? The best thing I have had throughout this whole experience has been my family and Blaine. Well... Blaine pretty much is my family at this point. =)

I don't usually open up this much, I'm usually quite the private person. With Blaine being gone, it can get lonely, so I am lost in my own thoughts, then they make their way onto this blog. 

All that I know is, I am truly happy at this moment. Come in a couple of months, I will be even happier... but I can't let that surprise out of that bag yet! Oh and no, we're not getting married. OH! And I'm not pregnant either. Haha, I just felt that disclaimer was appropriate, I didn't want to give anyone a panic attack out there. 

Seeing as I only allow my friends to read this, I hope everyone is very happy. I hope that everyone can find comfort in the little things we so greatly take advantage of at times. Whether you're single, married, in a relationship, there are always people around you that make the hard ships float away. The sooner we all recognize that, the better off, we all may be.

We Can be Serious...

P.S. Blaine blinked while I took the last picture. That's why it looks like he just smoked a fattie... hahaaa

Heart.

I just found out some not so great news. I guess my Dad was having some chest pains and numbness in his chest today. He called 911 because he couldn't breath. The paramedics came and said his vitals were looking ok, but they wanted to take him to the hospital to check blood, x-rays, etc. My Dad got to the hospital and was joined by the family, except for me unfortunately, I am out in Cali. =( As soon as I got out of school, I answered all of the messages that were waiting for me... 'pops is in the hospital, having heart problems.' When I called him, he seemed like he felt better, in fact, he told me so. They put him on some heavy meds as he awaited the results of all the testing he had done. It turns out, he had a mild heart attack. They want to keep him overnight to ensure that he doesn't have another one. It's just so scary, my Dad is going to be 57 in July, but is a pretty healthy man. He is doing well now, but I am just on pins and needles. I hate that I can't be there and I also hate that if something were to happen (God forbid), then I would be out here in California. Even if I jumped on a plane, what if it were soon enough? I'm just hoping and praying everything turns out ok in the end. As I said earlier, as of right now, he is doing well. We will have to wait and see if anything else arises from this.

On a different note, school has been going very well. This week was by far the best week ever! It was all black eyes, scars, wounds, zombies... you name it! Horror is one of the biggest reasons I got into this. I've always loved horror and probably always will. Zombies take the cake for me. I just love how they look, from Danny Boyle's 28 Days Later, all the way back to Romero's Dawn of the Dead. There is just something about them that has always fascinated me. Yesterday, we had to do our Final Exam. The final usually consists of a written and then a practical. For the practical, I had to do two black eyes (one immediate hit, one healing), an old bruise, scratches, scars, fresh cut (made out of wax), a bullet hole (also made of wax), and road rash (a scrape you would get from falling on pavement). Here are some pictures of my final:

Finished Look
Bullet hole, black eyes
Fresh cut (the one bleeding), scratches, and scars
Road Rash

Today was our character competition. Since this is the end of the character class, we can take everything we have learned and make our own character with it. You only get two hours (which TRUST ME, is NOT enough time for anything!) and it's very stressful. I decided to do a drug addict, who burnt his hands while mixing his own drugs. I would have loved to do a zombie or something along those lines, but I had to do things I could get done in 2 hours. I also had to make sure those things would make sense. So, below are pictures of my character that I created for today:

Final Character

Junkie Face
Junkie's burnt hands
Junkie has scars on the left and track marks (needle marks) on the right
Close-up of the track marks

So, once the morning group was all done, the second group went. I was made into a zombie...

Oh! I almost forgot! Blaine got another job! He is going to be working for the video game company, Activision. They make Call of Duty, Tony Hawk and some other cool games. Blaine is still going to keep his day job, working 7am- 4pm, then heading to Activision and work 5pm-2am. We talked for a long while about him doing this. I told him that I supported him 100%. It's going to suck not seeing him for awhile, but in the end I believe it will benefit us. It will definitely be better for Blaine, because this a job he has wanted for so long. He will be working his way up to gain more projects and more notoriety. The extra money will be nice, we plan on just putting it in a savings to see where that takes us. I just hope that he can move up soon, that way he will make enough money to quit the other job also. It isn't just about the scheduling, but he doesn't like what he does at this other job... it's just a job. When we go to E3 in June, he is going to network himself to see about getting jobs. I am so excited for him!

I will also be at the IMATS this year. The IMATS is a convention they hold in LA, Toronto, London and Australia for makeup. It's basically the Comic-Con of makeup. It's going to be so exciting to meet all of these award winning makeup artists. The panel from the new Star Trek movie will be there, which is really awesome. I'm not a fan of Star Trek, but a lot of the makeup in that movie looks sick! 

Other than all of that, there really isn't a whole lot going on with us right now. We're just taking things day by day and enjoying it. We're both starting to feel more comfortable, knowing we're actually doing something for ourselves. We have been this whole time though, so I guess a better way to put it is... we feel as though we have a better sense of direction for ourselves.

=)