I have this horrible habit of starting to blog at the beginning of the year... only to fall off somewhere along the road that they call life. I am sure that many blogs are starting out this way, being it the new year. Go ahead and add me to the list of cliches... to the groups of people who make promises to themselves, hoping they can find the strength throughout the year to keep them. Like many, I would just like to forget that this past year happened. Too many unsatisfying things happened to me personally, in which I would like to forget. However, life isn't that forgiving. We can't erase our memories containing detrimental events, we have to live with them, but what we don't have to do, is dwell on them. I like to keep mine tucked away behind favorable memories that cast a shadow on the others. No matter how far away they are hidden, a light is always destined to fall upon them, reminding us of an important lesson they served. Some days though, I wish I could just escape that light and leave for Montauk.
I moved to Seattle by the way... it's amazing here. The weather fits my personality more than any other place I have lived. Blaine is working for Nintendo and I will be freelancing with MAC still. I am looking into getting another job on top of free lancing, so that I can start school in the Fall. I want to go to school to become a clinical psychologist... at least that's the present goal. To be honest, I am not really sure where my life is going to take me, but I suppose no one really knows that. What I do know, is that I want to stay hungry for life and not lose my appetite as so many of us in life do. I don't want to be the one smiling for family photos, while hiding a dark secret... that secret being a feeling of personal failure. I want to be successful in my life and I don't necessarily mean financially. I guess to make it simple, is that I don't want my fire to ever burn out. This past year, it's been flickering so expeditiously that I was convinced it would eventually go out, but it didn't. There was still that, light at the end of the tunnel if you will and that tunnel was Seattle. My light isn't back to where I would like it to be at the moment, but I am going to work on getting it there. I need to remember what I was doing at the time is shone the brightest. That's what brings me to my aspirations for the year.
Living in stress is the first thing that needs to go. I was constantly surrounded by it last year and this year, I refuse. I refuse to submerge myself in that pain again. The move to Seattle will change a lot of things, that will help myself come up for air, out of this sea of stress. The first thing being financially. Some unfortunate events unfolded last year that put me in a bind. I got in over my head and had no way out. I can't let that happen again. The next thing is getting healthy again, which I couldn't afford much last year. Even working out while eating unhealthy, just makes my body feel horrible. However, when all you can afford is the cheapest of the cheap at Wal-Mart, you can't be too picky. Luckily, this year, that should change. I am going to start working out again. When I worked out on a daily basis a few years ago, I never felt/looked better. I want that energy back, that drive! I've got a few friends in the same boat as me... one of my friends recently turned to vegetarianism, which I fully support and think is wonderful. Another one of my friends, started a health blog that will follow her workout routines, a long with meals for the day. It's much easier knowing you have support from others... and knowing you're not alone.
Getting into school will be the next thing, but for right now I need to start small and work out a few other things first. I have to start looking for us a place to live. Well, let me clarify... I've looked, we just need to decide and figure out financially when and where will work best. We're currently staying with family and as much as I appreciate them for welcoming us into their home, it will be nice to have a place to call home. I feel like we've been so on the go, bouncing from place to place, that we haven't had the chance to just sit down and take a breather. All day, I'm looking for places to live, figuring out finances, figuring out school, etc. Although, Blaine and I have definitely been getting into Battfield Company 2 a lot lately. =)
And then there's Blaine. What would I do without him? He's my "rock". I wouldn't have been able to survive a lot of things without the warmth of his heart reassuring me everything would be ok. Our 4 year anniversary is in a month... I can't get over how time flies.
“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.”
Monday, January 3, 2011 at 5:41 PM